been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
