Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
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She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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