seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
someone owes me an orgasm
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize