I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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