woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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