i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
