i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
