I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's shark week go big or go home
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
