barbara walters just said penis...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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