i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
