watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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