and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
