He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
