Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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