I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
