My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
