So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
