Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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