I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
