Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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