Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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