Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
