His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
