if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
