Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize