And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
