how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
