i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
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I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
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Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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