I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
high people should be assigned attendants
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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