Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
