Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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