U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
