I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
