Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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