My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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