I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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