you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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