:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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