I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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