Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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