there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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