Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
