I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
