when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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