okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
