Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
