i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
