the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
