Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
