Three words: puerto rican gang bang
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
