You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
