there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
