Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
