marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
