Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
