Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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